JOKES Of D Day

1.  
     A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days'. Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.

'The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man. The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police



2.****
        A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist ask him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him."

3.****
       Four men were being interviewed for a job.

The interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A thought. It pops into your head, there's no forewarning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.'

'That's very good,' replied the interviewer.

'And now you, sir,' he asked the second man.

'Hmmm, let me see..... a blink!,' said the second man. 'It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!', said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye. That's a very popular cliché for speed.'

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out on my dad's property, you step out of the house and on the wall there is a light switch. When you flip that switch, way across the paddock the light at the barn comes on in an instant. Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of.'

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light.' he said.
Turning to the fourth man, an Indian, he posed the same question.


'After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me the fastest thing known is diarrhoea,' said the Indian.
'What!' said the interviewer, stunned by the response?

'Oh, I can explain,' said the Indian, 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so well and ran for the bathroom. But, before I could, think, blink, or turn on the light, I shit my pants.'

He got the job.